I feel like I should have some sort of grand ending to my 30 Days of Happiness posts. In which I say how much they changed my life, that sort of thing. They did help me quite a bit, I was having to look at all the things that were making me happy from day to day and focusing on the positive is always a good thing! But truth be told, I struggled a little too. I have so much in my life to be thankful for, but there are just those days where I just wanted to curl up and pout.
This process has definitely been good for me, but I still miss my little baby. I worry that Lucy may end up being an only child, and I always wanted a big family. I want to have another baby, but am terrified of losing another one. Sometimes it's hard trying to find happiness when these things are constantly going through my head. I am so thankful for Lucy. So thankful. But, I have a tiny baby shaped hole in my heart. I am a strong person, and I will always get back up, but I'm limping. I didn't know losing an 8 week baby could take someone down so hard, and I will never take pregnancy or children for granted again.
Sometimes when I go a while in between posts it's because I feel like my chirp is broken. I feel like there's a lot of pressure in the blogging community to be chirpy, sparkly, inspiring and happy. I can't be that way unless I really feel like it! I want to do another "30 Days of Happiness" later. After the holidays, when things are more settled.
For now, I'm going to do something different. Starting tomorrow I'm going to post a photo a day - whatever I feel like posting that day. Happy, sad, pretty, ugly, messy, whatever. I might say something and I might not. I don't want to feel the pressure right now of trying to chirp, chirp, chirp through the holiday season but I want to keep blogging. I think that will be the best thing for me, and hopefully will be interesting for you as well. So here's to... Um. 51 Days of Honesty, or something like that.